Article inspired by relationship coach, James Bauer, creator of “The Relationship Rewrite method“
How to Get Your Ex Back Even If He Has Moved On
Most of us have been on the receiving end of a breakup at some time or other. It’s hard, you can’t avoid that feeling of heartache and abandonment. Your brain knows it’s over but your heart’s not ready to accept it. But don’t give up, because you’re about to discover how to get your ex back even if he has moved on…
Your One Last Shot at Getting Him Back
If you had a great thing going with your ex and you know you could do well together, isn’t it worth making an effort to rekindle the romance with him? An emotional connection like the one you had doesn’t happen every day. Of course it’s worth fighting for!
You can skip ahead right now and see how James Bauer’s so-called “one last shot formula” can help you. Otherwise, read on and I’ll explain how it works:
Just pause for a moment and consider this question: What is the one thing that’s standing in the way of you getting back together with your ex? What’s the one obstacle that’s keeping you apart?
If you’re like most of the women who have consulted with James, your answer would be something like this: “I can’t break through the emotional walls he’s built around himself.”
The problem is not that you need to get him to love you again. There’s already enough chemistry between you – your history together is proof of that. So that’s not the problem.
Where the Real Problem Lies
Here’s where the real problem lies: He won’t even consider getting back with you. He’s shut off his mind to the possibility. Maybe he’s even decided not to contact you any more.
In a nutshell, he has already decided not to give you a chance.
That’s the emotional barrier you’re up against.
But what if I told you it’s not so much of a barrier as it is the illusion of a barrier? What if it’s a door you can open whenever you want, once you have the key?
That would change things for you, wouldn’t it?
We said earlier that the biggest problem is that he’s already decided not to give you a chance. Note that the key word here is “decided”. Now, here’s something you need to understand about the way we humans make decisions:
We don’t begin with a decision; decisions are only the end result. They are the end result of a different kind of mental calculation.
That is why you can almost never get someone to change his mind by tackling his decision directly.
Can you remember the last time you witnessed a person trying to change someone else’s mind? If the person focused on going after the decision itself, he or she would almost certainly not have succeeded in changing the other person’s mind.
The Solution to the Problem
Here’s where the solution to the problem lies:
Decisions are not cut in stone. They can be changed in the blink of an eye. They change continuously as new data updates one’s mental reproductions of the future.
Scientists have discovered something interesting about our thought processes: When we’re relaxed, our thoughts generally drift to the future. Sometimes we contemplate the past. Sometimes we focus on the present. But our minds are dreaming up the future about 80 percent of the time. Imagining the future is something we do automatically.
And that is where you’ll find an opening to take one final shot at reviving the romance with the guy who’s decided to shut you out.
We make complicated mental simulations of the future, and we do so almost continuously. If you’re not focusing on something consciously, it’s very likely that your mind is imagining your future to predict which paths will lead you to fulfillment and happiness.
This is good news! Here’s why:
You can change what your ex feels when he pictures you in his life again.
The “Movie-Trailer” Method
James calls this the “movie-trailer method”.
This is how it works: By following a set of step-by-step instructions, you dabble with the “movie trailer” that plays in his head whenever he sees your name appear on his cellphone, your picture on Facebook or whatever else reminds him of you.
Starting small, you can change the prevalent emotions he associates with you. You can become a person he imagines himself with. In his imagination, he’ll no longer be resolving old arguments with you – he’ll be exploring a whole new relationship with you instead.
So how would you tinker with the movie trailer that’s playing in his head? James explores that topic in minute detail in his Relationship Rewrite Method program, beginning with the very first text message, then going on to more advanced techniques. However, for now, we’ll focus on one cool idea:
It’s All About Targeting
To take your one last shot, you’ll need to choose the right target. Don’t set your sights on changing his mind, on fixing the relationship or “giving things another try“. Instead, spot the opportunities where you can change the primary emotions that influence his imagination whenever he thinks of you.
The difference this can make will amaze you. Why? Because emotions – feelings – run the show.
Don’t Make This Mistake!
The biggest mistake you can make is to spend your energy on things that rekindle his reasons for pulling away. You don’t want to remind him of things that went wrong when you were together. Don’t make that mistake!
Instead, put every bit of your energy into just one thing: the dominant emotion he feels each time he receives a text message from you, hears your voice on the phone or sees you in the street.
When you change the emotions that connect his mind with you, the mental scenes playing in his head will begin to change automatically.
Do that and prepare to be amazed. His emotional walls will crumble. You’ll move mountains.
Human nature is such that we are better at following through with something when we have a step-by-step guide. If you’d like to get hold of James Bauer’s step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you, click here for his full explanation.