Article inspired by Dr. Lee Baucom, PhD., author of Save The Marriage
How to Save My Marriage While There’s Still Time?
It’s difficult to understand how it can be that almost one million marriages end in divorce every year in the USA. In some other countries, the percentage is even higher.
You might be wondering how many of those marriages could have been saved. However, that’s impossible to tell. If a marriage stays intact, it won’t show in the statistics.
Marian Wright Edelman: “Statistics are stories with the tears washed off.”
Can a Troubled Marriage Be Saved?
One thing is certain: if your marriage is in trouble and you don’t do anything about it, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do take some kind of action, there will at least be a better chance that yourmarriage will be saved.
There are 4 simple steps you can take towards saving your marriage. You can begin right away. Please note that “simple” is not the same as “easy” – these will not be easy steps. They will, however, point you in the right direction if you want to change the outcome of an insecure marriage.
The 4 Steps
1. Stop the blaming game.
The first step is to stop blaming yourself and stop blaming your spouse. If you ignore this step, your marriage will become mired down in a pattern of blame that will paralyze any chance of progress. It will just spiral lower and lower.
We pass on blame in order to avoid seeing ourselves clearly. It’s so much easier to point a finger at someone and say, “It’s his fault” or “It’s her fault”. Yet, in marriage, you could just as easily point that finger at yourself and place the blame there, saying, “It’s all my fault”.
Blame might feel good in the short-term but the unfortunate thing is that, in the long-term, it prevents any change or shift. Therefore, even if you could recite a long list of reasons why you or your spouse should be held accountable, forget it. Whether or not your list is legitimate, it will not help to get your marriage back on track. Blame is what fuels divorces!
2. Take responsibility.
Decide to take some action. Change begins with one person who desires to see a positive change.
However, be aware that taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame, as mentioned above. Rather, responsibility is saying, “regardless of who the guilty party is, there are some things that can be done differently, and I’m going to do them”.
How do you allow your spouse to irritate you? How do you allow yourself to irritate your spouse? Make a decision to stop allowing those buttons to be pushed by yourself or by your spouse.
In marriage-counseling sessions, every spouse seems to know what he or she should be doing or not doing. Yet, they find it difficult to move in that direction. Don’t be caught in that trap – decide that you WILL take action.
Why “Marriage Therapy” Doesn’t Always Work
Watch this video to discover why “marriage therapy” might actually be bad for your marriage:
Compare your troubled marriage with a building on fire: if you are inside a burning building, you can hang around trying to figure out who started the fire, how it managed to spread so rapidly and who you’re going to sue (blame) when it’s over. On the other hand, you can try to get yourself and anyone else you can out of that building (take responsibility).
3. Get support from experts.
If other people have been helped, you can get help, too. People with a great deal of experience and perspective can be of enormous help in such stressful situations. Do the necessary research and separate the useful from the useless, then take advantage of the useful.
You might feel that your situation is the only one of its kind, and it’s quite natural to feel that way. The fact is, however, that not much new comes through the doors of marriage counselors. The stories might vary but the dynamics remain the same.
The words of Albert Einstein: “The heavy problems we have cannot be resolved at the same level of thinking as that at which we created them”. In other words, whatever got you into trouble will not get you out of trouble. That requires an entirely different level of thinking. You need someone with a fresh perspective – this is what you’ll get from an outside expert.
4. Take action!
You can do more damage by doing nothing than by making a wrong move. It’s too easy to become paralyzed by the situation. One often hears therapists talking about “analysis paralysis”. People become so caught up in their turbulent attempts to figure things out that they end up never taking action.
Simply understanding what is causing the problem will not resolve it; you must then ACT! People often believe that if they can just understand what their problem is, it will resolve itself. Unfortunately, that simply doesn’t happen. To resolve the situation requires you to take action.
Will You Save Your Marriage?
If you follow these 4 recommendations, you’ll have a much greater chance of securing your marriage than if you did nothing. Marriage is like an operatic duet where it takes two to make a success of it but only one to really screw things up.
You can only play your own part well – and that can often be enough. Make up your mind to not ask the “blame” question but begin to take action instead.
Getting Down to Action
Have you made the resolution to take the required action for rescuing your marriage? Need some more info? Get hold of the best-selling resource on the web for saving marriages – even if you’re the only one who wants to save it – “Save the Marriage“.
This is a program created by Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., a marriage counselor with many years’ experience in helping couples overcome marriage problems. Click the button below to view his video presentation: