Threesomes In a Relationship

Threesomes in a relationship

Article inspired by  Felicity Keith, author of The Language of Desire

Threesomes In a Relationship or Marriage

We’ve all heard of couples – married or not – who have fantasized about bringing a third party into their sex life. But many of them find it difficult to decide whether or not it would be a good idea. Are threesomes in a relationship OK? If they decide to go ahead, where should they start?

have a threesome

What to Do First

Before you make any attempt at arranging a “ménage a trois”, you and your spouse or partner need to agree on setting very clear boundaries. You should openly discuss which activities you are both OK with, as well as those you don’t feel comfortable happening. For example, you could make a rule that your spouse may not engage in intercourse with the other party, while everything else is acceptable to you.

There was a case where a married couple made an impromptu decision to have a threesome with another man after they’d had a few drinks at a party. They had not discussed anything about boundaries beforehand.

When the second man became intimate with the wife, her husband realized that he really wasn’t happy seeing another man pleasuring his wife. He broke up the intimate scene, which resulted in an alcohol-fueled argument filled with threats. The police were called to restore calm.

Do Threesomes Come With Risks?

It might seem “unsexy” to talk about rule-setting ahead of a threesome encounter but it is, unfortunately, necessary. There is a high risk of jealousy, hurt feelings and other issues if you don’t first talk things through.

Choose a neutral setting where you and your partner discuss why each of you is interested in experiencing a threesome. Would you be inviting a man or woman to join you? Talk about that, then discuss the specific activities you’d like to experience and agree to what each of you would feel comfortable with.

Be candid and honest. For example, if you’re not okay with your spouse having intercourse with the other party but are all right with oral sex, then say so. If you’re not sure how you feel about something, talk about that too.

Agree On a “Safe Word” Signal

It’s highly recommended that you and your partner decide on a”safe word” to use as a signal if something should become uncomfortable at any stage. It’s quite possible for something to sound quite acceptable ahead of time but prove the opposite when it’s actually taking place. Being able to quickly transmit your discomfort to your partner would be a good idea.

Who Should You Invite?

Think very carefully about who you invite to join you. A neighbor or close friend might seem to be an easy choice. However, seeing that you are already in each other’s lives, it could cause issues down the road.

There was a case where a woman asked a female friend to join her and her husband in a ménage a trois. All went well during the actual encounter; afterward, however, the wife couldn’t erase the mental image of her husband entwined with her best friend. Whenever she had contact with her friend, the memory popped up. In time, it made her feel jealous and insecure.

Consider the Long-Term Impact

Even if you have a male or female friend who you find attractive, carefully consider how it might impact your marriage or relationship down the road. There are rarely issues with threesomes at the actual encounter. It’s the way our brains process things afterward that could result in unpleasant surprises.

Once you and your partner or spouse have been sexually involved with a mutual friend, you can’t go back to when things were purely platonic. Think seriously about the possibility of jealousy becoming a problem.

Choosing someone you are acquainted with, but are not particularly close to, would probably be your best option. Think of someone you trust but who you don’t view as a regular part of your daily life.

“Swingers” Clubs

One thing you could try is to find out if there is a swingers’ club in your area. These are typically private “members only” clubs where couples who are open to all kinds of sexual propensities have the opportunity to meet other people with similar tastes.

Members typically must agree to follow a code of conduct and there are rules in place to make sure people are safe. The club staff know who the members are, which provides a degree of assurance. For example, many clubs don’t allow singles into the “play” areas – only couples – so an unaccompanied man might not be allowed to freely roam naked around the club.

Fun Alternatives to Having a Threesome

If you eventually decide that going through with a threesome is not for you, don’t be afraid to back out. There are other ways you can creatively use your imagination to bring your fantasies to life without having a third person in your bed.

In the program, The Language of Desire, you will discover several creative ways to experience fantasies that don’t dishonor anyone’s boundaries. Click the link below to learn more:

How to have a threesome

Threesomes in a relationship

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