Article inspired by James Bauer, author of His Secret Obsession
“Why Is My Boyfriend Ignoring Me?”
Relationship coach James Bauer once told this story: Maggie had a best friend called Melissa, who she envied very much. Melissa had what her friend thought was the most amazing boyfriend ever. He had gorgeous wavy hair, a wacky smile and was entirely devoted to one person only: his girlfriend. But all Maggie could think was, “Then why is my boyfriend ignoring me? I know he likes me…”
Have you found yourself asking this question?
Now, Maggie was really glad for her friend’s sake, but also undeniably jealous. It was difficult to stop watching them, the way he was so attentive to her needs… the way they seemed to share thoughts without the need to speak. She saw the way he wrapped his arms so tightly around her that they seemed like one person. Watching them made her ache – because her own guy didn’t treat her like that.
It’s not that her guy wasn’t fabulous; of course he was fabulous. It was more… the way he treated her. He treated her like someone he had gotten used to.
She knew he didn’t wake up in the morning patting himself on the back for being lucky enough to nail someone like her. But she was sure that was what Melissa’s guy did – she could see it in his eyes.
Maggie saw the pleasure that radiated from his smile each time he looked at the woman he loved. She asked Melissa jokingly – yet hopefully – “Does he have any single brothers?” Melissa just laughed. “No, that’s not what you need.”
She glanced around to make sure no-one was listening and leaned towards Maggie. “Do you want to hear a secret?”
Maggie nodded eagerly.
A Crazy Secret Revealed
Melissa whispered, “In the beginning, our relationship was just like everyone else’s. But then I heard about this crazy secret through a relationship coach named James Bauer. He calls it the “key to unlocking men“.
Maggie nodded her head more vigorously this time. “Sure! If it’ll help my guy and me read each others’ minds just like the two of you do.”
“OK, then listen carefully…”
What Maggie discovered from Melissa’s “secret” is that women the world over make one common mistake with men.
It’s not the women’s fault; they’re just following universal wisdom. Everyday wisdom would have us believe that men only fall for women with exceptional qualities (exceptional bodies, usually). So if you see a man trailing behind a woman like a puppy, everyday wisdom tells us we can be sure that she has something that other women don’t.
Such an explanation seems so obvious and yet… it’s dead wrong!
That woman is no more exceptional than any other. But what she does have, however, is a very special understanding of men.
She understands that the important thing is not what he sees when he looks at her but how he sees himself reflected in her eyes.
Herein lies the “secret”:
Make Him Feel Like a Hero
A man falls for a woman because of how she makes him feel. When a man feels like a hero in a woman’s eyes, he cannot help but swear his never-ending loyalty to her.
Most women won’t have that effect on him. When he’s around most women, they’ll make him feel like a dumb guy who’s always doing something wrong. He’ll be able to count on the fingers of one hand the number of women who really, truly respect him.
He’s always going to have a place in his life for a woman like that.
Now, how do you make a man feel like a hero?
It even sounds kind of silly. Do you have to create some kind of scenario where he has to rescue a kid from a burning house or save a little old lady from being hit by a car?
Actually, it’s much more simple than that.
There’s one thing you can easily start doing right now to make your man feel like a hero: You can thank him warmly for every single thing he does for you.
Did he clear the dishes from the table? Thank him. Did he drive you to a function? Thank him. Did he offer to get you a drink? Thank him.
You may not see it like this but he’s a hero to you every single day.
Metaphorically speaking, has your guy “rescued” you at any time during the past week? Maybe he was around when you needed advice on something. Maybe he dropped everything in order to help you make a difficult decision.
We tend to take things like these for granted. We don’t realize what a miracle it is to have someone we can rely on in a situation.
The thing is, the more you show him appreciation, the more he’ll appreciate YOU.
Now, most women don’t think this way. Most women think they’ll earn a man’s appreciation by doing lots of things for him. However, they have it backward.
Trigger Your Man’s “Hero Instinct”
The best way to earn a man’s appreciation is to appreciate everything he does for you, no matter how trivial. This is what triggers his “hero instinct”.
(You can learn more about the Hero Instinct in James Bauer’s video here.)
But for now, just understand that the key to unlocking his eternal devotion is not in all you do for him but in how you respond to everything he does for you.
Did he just wrap his arms around you? Give a little sigh of contentment.
Did he agree to take you to visit your parents? Give him a kiss of appreciation. The more you reward him for the little things he does, the more he will strive to please you. He’s your hero – and that’s what heroes do.
But that’s just the beginning of the fun. There are many more ways you can trigger his hero instinct. And some of them are 100 times more powerful than just saying thanks.
There are texts you can send, phrases you can say and simple requests you can use that will powerfully trigger his hero instinct.
No man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero. You can become one of those women by learning what those emotional trigger points are and how to use them.
Do you want to take your relationship skills with men to the next level? Then discover how you can master this powerful technique (from the man who created it) by watching this short video.